I’ve been talking with friends again about the hurtful things many have experienced at traditional business-like church organizations. There’s many common themes to it, but perhaps most of them can be categorized as “violation of relationship.” By that I mean that people do things to one another that violate the way relationships are to operate among followers of Jesus. This causes hurt, sometimes deeply, depending on the nature of the violation.

But here’s what I’ve come to believe: it all makes sense when we realize that there’s much more going on in the traditional business-like church organization than being followers of Jesus. I’ve come to see these traditional churches as essentially religious businesses that try to promote the Kingdom of God among it’s members and the community it considers it’s domain. And indeed, there are many wonderful things happening at these places, and there would be a huge void if suddenly they did not exist. I spent over two decades of my life laboring with others to start and expand these religious businesses, and quite successfully in terms of the common measures used. Yet I’ve also walked away in tears from more than one, confused about how/why the relationship violations occurred with me ending up with the short end of the stick. And I’m pretty sure I was on the “relationship violator” end of things more times than I know.

As much as we fantasize otherwise, I believe most religious businesses are businesses first, and doers of God-stuff second, because “Job 1 is to remain a viable business.” There’s government requirements for 501(c)3 “not-for-profit” business (huh? of COURSE they’re making a profit! But that’s a different conversation…), such as roles of president, vp, secretary, treasurer, by-laws, board meetings, blah blah. There’s people depending on their financial livelihood at this business. There’s mortages and utilities to pay, sound equipment and sunday school supplies to purchase. But all this stuff is earthly domain, man’s business, and has nothing to do with being the church that follows Jesus. Most participants probably don’t think of it this way, and rather think of it as “Job 1 is to remain a viable presence of the church.” It was true for me, because like many, the religious business model is what I believed WAS the church that Jesus intended. I didn’t know any better. And within that business model, there are also people’s career identities at stake. Now those are some strong forces.

Clearly there is massive blindness about this, and most people at these religious businesses have good intentions, and have no idea that what they are doing is not what Jesus intended for his church. It was true of me as well. Wearing unintended blinders, we don’t even see the plain spoken truths about this in the bible. But for many in our day the blinders are coming off.

My main point in this post is to say that, as heartless as it may sound, I believe that its pointless to complain about these violations of relationships that happen at these religious businesses. There HAS to be a hiearchical leadership, that HAS to establish direction and boundaries for the business, and that HAS to exert authority over the “members.” This is how business works. Business is man’s domain; and man must lead it or it will fall apart. It’s the same with any business. If an employee does things that threaten the vision/plans/success of their employer’s business, no one is surprised when such a person is reprimanded, or even fired, right? It wouldn’t matter that they had friends who worked there. At the end of the day, the leadership has to do what’s right for the business or its viability will be threatened. And the kicker is, I believe that’s how God intended it. God put it in us to work (Genesis – Adam, the garden) and better our lives if we can (1Cor 7:21) and to enjoy the rewards of our labors (Eccl 5:18-20).

Mixing Kingdom-of-God intentions into earthly business is where it gets all messed up, especially if people start believing that God is the leader of it instead of man. Nope, God doesn’t take charge of our businesses. He gave Adam and Eve the charge of taking care of the garden, the earthly domain.

But when it comes to being the church that follows Jesus – now THAT’s where God is in charge, whether man acknowledges it or not, and where relationships are to operate much differently than they do at an earthly business. For example, Lording over is “illegal” in the church that follows Jesus (Matt 20:25-26), and calling people by special names that put them above others, like “father” or “pastor” or “reverend,” is against Jesus’ commands (Matt 23:8-10).

I’ve come to believe that if we are experiencing the common relationship violations that happen in religious businesses, we really have no one to blame but ourselves. Man’s vision and scope for a business will always be very small compared to God’s vision and scope for his church. So there will always be times when people have grown into as much of God’s kingdom as a particular religious business can support, and to get beyond that the people will be drawn into things outside the scope of where the leadership is comfortable, or able to lead. If the leadership feel that the business or their authority (which again, the business needs) is at risk by the actions of certain people, they will have to do things to resolve this conflict, and proper human relating as God intended among his followers will suffer, because that is not the priority in the business context. We should not expect otherwise.

For those who find themselves in that situation, the good news is that God is taking many into a new journey of being and finding the church that wants to follow Jesus alone, and that wants no part of mixing it with the business aspirations of man.

I love this verse from Hosea 6:3:
“So let us know, let us press on to know the LORD.
His going forth is as certain as the dawn;
And He will come to us like the rain,
Like the spring rain watering the earth.”

<Note: this is a continuation of the thought/email mentioned in this post from a few days ago.>

I love Psalm 122.  It’s one that I put to music many years ago and I love to sing it still. 

It’s clear from Genesis to Revelation that God’s passion is for his bride, the new Jerusalem mentioned in the book of Revelation.  Every time I pray for peace among the bride of Christ, I’m praying for the peace of this Jerusalem.  Every labor I put into bringing about the peace he desires for his bride, I’m laboring for the peace of this Jerusalem.  This kind of activity has been a primary focus of my life for about 35 years.

Jesus made it clear that it’s never been about the physical descendants of Abraham, which are an earthly body of people.  The children of Abraham/Isaac/Jacob were all about his plan for bringing salvation to the entire human race, his highest creation, the descendants of Adam and Eve.  Jesus was about his bride, which is a spiritual or heavenly body.  Placing one section of humans on a pedestal above others is sinful, like idolatry.  And I say we should beware the blindness that thinks the current, earthly nation of Israel “can do no wrong.”  That group of people is made up of the same “stuff” that every other group on earth are made up of – human beings with a sinful nature that need Jesus.

There is certainly lots of injustice done in the world, by every nation, against every nation, including lots done against Jews.  I am not attempting to make any comment on what to do about the conundrum of strife in the Middle East.  My point in this conversation is to say that I do not accept that the current, earthly nation of Israel, and the earthly city of Jerusalem, is the same “Israel” and “Jerusalem” spoken of prophetically in scripture, which I believe is focused on the spiritual bride of Christ.

Thus, I do not see David’s prayer in Psalm 122, ”may they prosper who love you <Jerusalem>” (NAS) as involving any kind of promise from God that he will prosper those who love the current, earthly nation of Israel.  This also means that I am not confident that the forming of the earthly nation of Israel in 1948 was a fulfillment of biblical prophesy or in any way connected to the promises of Christ’s return.  I am not aware of any place in scripture where we are encouraged to go about trying to fulfill prophecy, but I see this in some of the thinking of the church, especially with regard to ”end times” and the current, earthly nation of Israel.  Jesus specifically taught against such thinking in Acts 1 when the disciples wanted to see him restore the nation of Israel even then, and he essentially said, “it’s not for you to know these things” and he focused them on following the lead of the Holy Spirit.  In my humble view, this is where we as his church need to keep our focus still.

<I posted this over at simplechurchseattle.com, but thought I’d post it here as well for my own records.>

“Hey gang, what should we do this Easter?”  It’s a question that evokes a variety of different responses among those we gather with.  Here’s mine:

There was a time when I thought it was one of the more exciting Christian traditions, and my heart was pure about it.  I love the beginnings of Spring, I love early mornings, and the triumph of Jesus beating the enemy at his own game, getting up from being dead – it’s the best!

And it’s not that I no longer value those things, but I’ve come to a different place with respect to religious, man-made traditions.  They are so hollow, empty, dead – like the ash in a fireplace.  They’re all used up, there’s nothing in them that fires me up anymore.  After so many years of perpetuating the traditions of man, and the religious businesses of a church subculture, thinking these were things “ordained” from heaven, I loathe to lift even a pinky finger to do them anymore.  At least this one.  And I don’t want to encourage the thought in my children that performing the obligation of a religious tradition pleases our loving Father in heaven.

Parenthetical insert:  Like many, I grew up thinking Easter (and Christmas) were holidays all about Christ.  We know now that both actually have pagan roots (for more, google the three words together: pagan christian easter).  Pagan roots alone hasn’t been a big issue for me – so what if we take something with pagan roots and turn it into an opportunity to worship Jesus and the one true God!? 

But the biggest harm that I see from these holidays is that so many of us who seek to follow Jesus still feel trapped by thinking God is somehow pleased/appeased by our observance of these religious rituals, and we have to do SOMEthing “spiritual” to commemorate this religious holiday, or somehow we haven’t measured up to being a true follower of Jesus.  And how does that color our entire relationship with him?  Or said another way, what are the roots of this sense of obligation in us, and what would be Jesus’ response to it?

So for me, hearing the question, “what should we do this Easter?” evokes, not a quest for the right answer, but a fresh realization that it’s the wrong question.  It’s simply one I don’t hear the Lord asking (not among the NT church, not among many who’s relationship with God I know of and respect, not in my own heart), so I’m not inclined to seek an answer for it.  The only redeeming value I see in this question is if it becomes a spring board to honest thought and discussion about how this and similar religious practices may still have us enslaved, and lead us to him afresh for the freedom he so desires for us.  My view is that we shouldn’t waste another ounce of time, energy, or resources coddling or even pacifying a man-made, religious tradition that holds no life for us; in other words, that God is not filling with his life.

Of course, I’m sure there are others who enjoy the traditions of this holiday and don’t have concerns about enslavement to it.  I’d like to think we can find creative ways of grace and freedom to allow each other to do as we please with traditions of man.  Having the variety helps to communicate the bigger picture of what’s a core essential of the faith, and what’s optional.

I had a recent email exchange with a friend about the different views of the modern day Israel nation vs. the one in the Old Testament of the Bible, and fulfillment of scriptural prophecy.  Here’s a quick overview of my thoughts – not in the spirit of an exhaustive treatise, but just in the vein of sharing general thoughts:

The way I see it, Jesus put the focus on faith in him, not blood connection to Abraham.  In fact, understanding that God’s intention was to use Abraham’s descendants to bring about faith on earth puts an even sharper point on the fact that his focus was always on seeing faith raised up in Adam & Eve and their descendants.

Galatians 3:6 Consider Abraham: “He believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness.” 7 Understand, then, that those who believe are children of Abraham. 8 The Scripture foresaw that God would justify the Gentiles by faith, and announced the gospel in advance to Abraham: “All nations will be blessed through you.” 9 So those who have faith are blessed along with Abraham, the man of faith.

(the above quote “all nations will be blessed through you” occurs in Genesis 12, showing that the plan was about faith since then).

Matt 3:9 And do not think you can say to yourselves, ‘We have Abraham as our father.’ I tell you that out of these stones God can raise up children for Abraham.

To further emphasize the point that it’s all about faith in him, not blood connection to Abraham, Jesus points out to some Jewish leaders of his day that they missed the boat and were actually following the devil, not God:

John 8:44 “You are of your father the devil, and you want to do the desires of your father. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth because there is no truth in him.47 “He who is of God hears the words of God; for this reason you do not hear them, because you are not of God.”

For me, the value in Jewish customs is in the ways that they illustrate more of who God is.  Reading/hearing about them and understanding those points is interesting, though I don’t see it as absolutely essential to the faith.  As in Romans 1, God can use creation alone to stir one to faith.  Paul emphasizing this is further evidence that faith is, and always has been, the priority.  Some may choose to do some sorts of re-enactments of Jewish customs to gain an even greater understanding of God’s heart revealed in them, and I have done some of this in the past, but for whatever reasons, I do not feel compelled to do this at this time.

Regarding the raising up of an earthly country/nation called Israel, I don’t see this as a focus by Jesus, the apostles, or the NT church, which makes me wonder why some put a high focus on this.  I went along with all the interest in this for the first decade or so of my own pursuit of following God, being focused on end times, seeing great significance in 1948, etc.  But I’ve come to question whether there is clear understanding of prophesy in this area, especially with discerning the spiritual nation of Israel vs. an earthly/physical nation.

The general trend I see in Jesus, Paul, NT, is to honor how God used the descendants of Abraham to bring the roots/foundations of faith in Christ to the earth, but then to clearly make the focus on faith, including explanations of how the Jew/Gentile barrier has been removed.

If I were Jewish, I would hope to appreciate how special it is, on a human level, to be connected to Abraham, the man God chose to use to illustrate faith to the world.  But I would also hope to remember that this has nothing to do with being part of those who will make up the Bride of Christ.

Ephesians 2:14 For he himself is our peace, who has made the two one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility, 15 by abolishing in his flesh the law with its commandments and regulations. His purpose was to create in himself one new man out of the two, thus making peace, 16 and in this one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility.

So the creation of the “one new man” – which is neither Jew nor Gentile – is the focus of Christ.  This is the direction I see in all of scripture, and how I sense the Lord moving to this day.  My heart’s desire going forward is simply on hearing God’s voice to accomplish the part he has for me, as he continues to raise up on earth the “one new man” as he has already done in heaven, in other words, the point Jesus made with, “thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.”

Once again, I appreciate the honest blog post here about being stripped of all things churchianity – the Christian subculture – and rediscovering an honest relationship with God, and letting him lead us himself. It has spurred more thoughts of my/our own trek that I’d like to share.

I want to talk more about relationships among people and God. This has been a recurring theme with my wife and I, and I believe this topic is common to anyone truly on the detox journey out of the church business ways to something real. After 20+ years in the church business way of doing relationships, my wife and I came to the hard realization that we didn’t really know how to do them well, and that we had allowed others to do our thinking. It wasn’t good enough anymore to know someone who knew God (or thought they did). God wanted us himself – the thrill of a lifetime!

We didn’t know how to take time with relationships – the years it really takes. Taking time to gradually go deeper rather than rush in head long. And how to recognize good indicators that the risk was going to be a good one, and be in touch with the desires of our own hearts. Did I want this relationship? Was there truly a sense in me that God was doing something in it? David prayed like his desires and God’s desires were one and the same. There was once a season I prayed each day, “Lord, help me feel today.” It seemed like I had spent all my life dialed in to what others indicated was the “right” thing to think and feel, that I had very little idea what God was really saying me, now that I was coming to know he speaks to us mostly through our own guts.

We didn’t know how to have honest, meaningful conflict resolution. Where you say the hard stuff without shredding the other person (though you wanted to). And they get to say the needful things, and maybe you actually come to new understandings together over time. Or maybe not, even after many years. But you don’t violate yourself in this process, yet be as generous as you can toward the other person’s prosperity. So many relationships in the church are based out of a man-made hierarchy positioning, which Jesus banned from the body of Christ. Thus, boundaries were mowed over so much that we had no concept of where they even used to be.

We had very little idea how to be peers, egalitarian, co-heirs in Christ with others in the body. How to truly live like the playing field is level, and only Christ is above the rest.

We didn’t know how to live like the imaginary relational boundaries we had around church businesses were just that – imaginary. To think that we actually lopped off relationships when people left our “church” (business), and felt nothing for it. Ludicrous! Same thing goes for the imaginary relational boundary between the man-made church subculture and those not yet among his followers. What? You can actually have FRIENDS that aren’t saved?! And even allow yourself to learn things from them that Jesus-followers are supposed to own the corner market on – such as grace, generosity, integrity?! Oh yes.

Indeed, this epidemic of relational violations is the primary driver for us getting off the church business merry-go-round to rethink all things church, which led to rethinking all things Christianity. A frightening, yet invigorating journey! I think a serious detox from the church business way brings you face-to-face with the horrendous handling of relationships there. In the end, I came to believe that, as an adult, I had no one to blame by myself. I mean, what was I thinking doing these things? But that’s the point, I wasn’t thinking. Hardly anyone in my Christian circles was. I guess we just didn’t suspect the violations there, but it was the same for the Lord and his first followers. We’ve had to essentially learn from scratch how to do relationships with God and people.

I would say we’re seeing two things these days: one is that as we’re learning, in the midst of safe, “go-slow” relationships with 5-7 other families, how to do healthy boundaries with relationships, we’re finding new boldness to be appropriately vulnerable again. The other thing, of course, is we’re sensing the Lord leading us to take more risks, gently nudging us beyond our comfort zones. It’s like so much of the kingdom of God revolves around relationships, so pressing in to them appears to be important to him.

I’m doing ice skating lessons with my daughters (5 & 7). I never had a lesson before, had no clue what I was doing, and it showed. So I’ve been avoiding ice skating all my life. My wife, however, is pretty good at it and takes our girls now and then. Lessons came available nearby, so it was my chance to have Father-daughter time and try to eliminate some embarrassment on the ice so I could skate with the family. About the 2nd or 3rd lesson they taught us how to stop. It’s kinda like a snow-plow action, and with some practice, it works! The unexpected result was that I was finally bold enough to risk some skating moves because I knew I could bring myself to a stop without having to fall down or slam myself into the boards. I see a correlation to doing just about anyting in life, including relationships.

I’m cleaning up a personal web site where I had the following story posted from April, 2003. I wanted to keep it as a reminder for myself, so I’m re-posting here. This was from the earlier years of our journey in rethinking what it means to simply, truly, follow Jesus, and I apologize up front for sounding a little “know it all” – ha! It’s kinda like the 17-yr-old who thinks he knows so much (naw, I didn’t do that! ), and then he gets into his 20′s and realizes he’s not so smart. This post runs along similar themes as others, but I’m coming to believe the encouragement to “just gather” is worthy:

Christine and I are rediscovering the beauty, challenge, and adventure of being part of God’s church. We gather with friends in homes. We worship God, pray to him with others, and see his power change us. The words of the bible are read with fresh simplicity. We are finding ourselves walking through this life with newfound intimacy and dependency on God, ever growing, week after month after year. And we are learning the patient art of building loving, trusting relationships with others.

If you find yourself longing for these things, I encourage you to begin gathering with people and doing them. I have come to believe that if we are not experiencing the allusive sense of “community” with others, it may be that we have only ourselves to blame. All too often we willingly sign up to spend countless hours, energy and resources on activities that are not taking us where our hearts have been leading us. And many times as believers in Jesus we give incredibly to building church businesses, only to find that the really important things (above) are missing from our lives. I spent about 20 years doing it myself (starting ministries, churches, small groups, etc.) before finally stepping off the merry-go-round long enough to seek answers to the deeper longings in my heart. God is doing many great and wonderful things through church businesses, but don’t be fooled into thinking this is his endorsement of that model for gathering with other believers. He’ll use us imperfect humans any and every way he can, and there is no mandated model for gathering with believers in the New Testament. When you start taking an objective look at the popular church business approach, you’ll find it quite difficult to support much of any of it from scripture. And worse, many parts of the generic design are working against the essence of what God’s church is all about.

For the last several years my wife and I have been seeking God’s direction in this, and seeking out others with the same passion. We discovered something that we weren’t prepared for: God is quite free with encouragement on the topic, and the people are everywhere! We gather locally several times a month with them, and we even “gather” periodically with remote friends through planned phone calls who are also on this incredible journey of rediscovering the meaning of being the church as opposed to going to church. It didn’t happen over night, and in fact has taken several years to get to this point.

If you are at all inclined, I hope you begin such a journey. Or maybe you just need to get back to it. Either way, I’m convinced you’ll never be the same – for good! If you’ve spent a lot of years involved in the common church businesses of today, and you have many friends there, be prepared for a bit of a wild ride for the first few years. It can be downright frightening to seriously re-evaluate something you’ve held dear for so long, especially when it comes to the things of God. Our fellow believers will not always be kind, so you’ll have lots of opportunities to practice forgiveness. But press through till you get back to the core basics of what it means to be a follower of Jesus and part of the family of God. And you’ll see what I’m talking about – that God is putting this on the hearts of many. I won’t say it’s for everyone. In fact, if you have no inclination for this, and you feel God has put you in the midst of the life and times of a particular church business, then may you continue to prosper there in all that God has for you. But for the others, join us in going back to our bibles and taking a fresh look at the life experienced by the New Testament church – and seek it with all your heart! The rewards are deep and lasting – like coming home.

At first it can be tough to find resources on this, but they are there. We’re interested to know how others are finding success in this journey, such as:

• how church gatherings and structure are becoming simpler and more true to the message of the gospel
• how the emphasis on good relationships is being lived out
• how leadership hierarchies are being stripped away to reflect a truer image of the church as Jesus and the first church modeled it
• how the trappings of church businesses (buildings, equipment, payrolls, formalities, traditions, by-laws and non-profit requirements, fund raisers, over-busy evenings and weekends – all the stuff that has everything to do with growing a business, but nothing to do with being the church) are being avoided
• how believers are experiencing worship, prayer, bible study, the power and gifts of his Spirit – in “new” models of simple structure with freedom (new to many of us, but not new under the sun)
• how believers are getting freed up from a so-called Christian sub-culture and integrating more in the lives of those outside the church

In the grand scheme of things, we’re on the early stages of our understanding, but are very encouraged to press on as God keeps disclosing more. And when God brings you new life in some aspect of this journey (expect it often) – share it with us!

Blessings on you,
Page Hamilton

I’ve been thinking about relationships among the church. If you’ve been in a typical, institutional-type church (like most of us) for any length of time, you’ve probably had some relationships implode, self-destruct, blow up – pick your metaphor. My wife and I certainly have. And one of the things we came to see is that in these environments it’s easy to cast aside good wisdom on growing meaningful relationships in the spirit of doing a task together, seemingly for the Kingdom of God. The ironic thing I see now is that good relationships are the foundation to the Kingdom of God thriving on earth. This is yet another one of those places that the “church business” model has gotten us into trouble.

Here’s how it often goes: We get involved in a church and, going along with the flow, commit ourselves to various large & small group gatherings with perfect strangers, or maybe we know a couple people. Before long we’re signing up to help with various tasks to help the business grow. With the best intentions we are usually quick to put ourselves in very vulnerable situations relationally. There’s the sense that, “hey, we’re all part of the Family of God, right?” And true, openness, honesty, humility – these are core values in the Kingdom of God. We all naturally hunger for relationships that have these qualities. But this whole business is often going way too fast for the proper development of the relationship “container” where these things naturally happen. And sooner or later, either you don’t measure up to someone’s expectations, or someone else doesn’t seem to be the person you thought they were, and a relational crisis happens.

What usually follows is some mixture of fear, anger, blaming, desires for revenge, and many other intense emotions, and it becomes really difficult to sort out what really happened, why it happened, how to fix it, or if it even can be fixed. Depending on how far the vulnerability went, how long the charade had gone on, how relationally vested people were to those involved or the activities you mutually participated in, my observation is that most of the time, the relationships are not fixed.

I’ve been through situations like this a few times. When I finally got off the “church business” merry-go-round long enough to think and pray reflectively about all this, I realized that I was my primary problem. I chose to relate to people at levels far beyond where true trust and rapport had brought us. It was inappropriate for me to place such levels of trust in people so soon. Sure, 20+ years of active participation in growing churches and para-church movements had encouraged bad relational habits. But blaming others only prolongs the necessary steps of growth – I had to learn new habits.

The good news I found is that it really wasn’t that difficult to come into better relating habits as I have allowed God to take me through “detox” out of a church subculture, and the ways of church businesses, and into a simple, more natural, Spirit-led approach to following Jesus. For many years I had to deal with not having very many relationships at all among other followers of Christ because we didn’t have regular times to gather with them – this was when we were first getting started in simple gatherings with other followers. Truly, there were years of despair from the lack of meaningful relationships. But this, too, was formative in helping me detox from bad habits. Even as we started gathering more regularly with others, it took years to see people more than once or twice a month. Tough going relationally, but now I look back and realize God was shepherding me into new, healthier ways of forming long-lasting, meaningful relationships. It’s not so much that I’ve learned how to deal with “blow ups” better, but it’s now very rare that I even find myself in a situation where that can happen. We’re generally not getting ourselves committed beyond the true trust levels. I’ve still had times of unfortunate misunderstandings, and not every situation has come to the desired end. But I’ve come a long way on this path of healthier relating. I’ve been blessed to have special people around me who are either better at this than I, or have had their own years of relationship churn among the church, and God is shepherding them to new places as well, so the commitment levels to “go slow” are mutual.

I could summarize the lessons as:

• God is not in a hurry, and it’s best if we aren’t either. Go slow with relationships. Let the pace be natural, easy, peaceful. Pay attention to warning signs, where something feels inappropriate or rushed. I think one of the biggest factors contributing to relational crisis is going too fast in the initial trust-forming years. Don’t allow yourself to be coerced to go faster than what is right for you. When in doubt, wait.
• Let the relational risks you take be small at first, and appropriate to allow both you and the other to gain levels of confidence in each other. Don’t inappropriately invest yourself in a relationship beyond where the trust levels really are.
• Allow yourself to have a certain amount of thick skin. We all do and say things we regret later. And sometimes communication is presented and received such that the end result is nothing that either party intended. If the relationship is worth it to us, I think we’ll all have times where we’ll have to simply overlook the offense and move on, choosing to love the other person and forget the offense.
• Don’t pretend. Don’t pretend to be at a different level of trust, appreciation, rapport, etc. with someone than where you really are. Don’t pretend you feel fine about participating in a level of activity with people that you really don’t feel right about. Be completely honest with yourself. God leads us through our guts most of the time. Pay attention to your guts.
• When the void for relationships is strong in your life, and you’re doing all the things you know are right, I find the best thing to do with the loneliness is to let it drive you deeper into your relationship with God, who is always present. At the right time he will bring us meaningful relationships if we are steadfast and wise in our growth. By then our vision and understanding of right & wrong in this area will be all the more precise.

I’ve come to believe that doing well in this area of relationships is foundational to our quest to “be the church.”

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It’s tough work dealing with the staining that we’ve taken from the practices of church businesses and the christian subculture, and not everyone comes to the same conclusions. Think of stained wood. Stain seeps into the grain and goes deep. It is not removed by a simple sanding. It may take a long time – several applications of stain remover, and several sandings – to ever get it out. And even then, you may always deal with a residual. This is how I think of our challenge in the church today, after 1700 years of this yuck. The better foundation we allow God to lay in us now, the farther along will be the generations that follow.

My experience detoxing is teaching me that we seriously benefit from thinking long and hard about ALL the issues with church businesses. I’m finding that a huge hurdle for many is cutting the heart strings attached to the business – personal identity in it, a paycheck, a sense of fulfillment and satisfaction in the roles played, etc. These are things given by God in the context of our earthly labors (Eccl 5), but they get us twisted up and confused when done in the context of the kingdom of heaven. I want to take as much time as needed for God to unravel it all inside of me. I want to let heavenly light ruthlessly expose blindness, which runs much deeper than I imagined. This detox journey isn’t a switch to a different methodology (eg, from institutional church with leadership hierarchy to home-based church with everyone on a level playing field), but a major cleansing and revitalizing of our hearts and thinking. There’s a complete language that has to be unlearned, and a new one to replace it. I only see pieces of where God is taking us. Sometimes I get spun up wanting to begin building again with these alone, but then I’m thankful for friends that remind me it would only mean facing tear-downs again, and that it really is His church, He’s the head of it, He’s the one true discipler of it. It’s His Spirit that causes it to grow. There’s a significant risk of syncretism with a rush to presume arrival rather than fully embracing the journey.

A design flaw in the very idea of church businesses is the need to gain legitimacy by providing some kind of goods or services – like solving other people’s problems & puzzles, being their answer, a benevolent mediator, an institution to depend on – which is what earthly work is all about, designed by God for earthly life. But when the same ideas are applied to the kingdom of heaven, wrong things happen that we didn’t foresee – such as the blunting of our awareness of their need to know and hear God’s voice for ourselves. I doubt many in the church businesses intended this. I didn’t either, but I contributed to it nonetheless. John the baptist knew better – he didn’t get between the Groom and his bride. When we love Jesus and his church, we have the same response as John, “I must decrease, He must increase.” Beware the trap of being the answer to someone’s question.

My encouragement to those of us on the detox journey is to be ruthless about getting free from the church business mindset. Consider taking 2-3 years off this activity. If you aren’t there already, consider gainful employment in a “normal” job outside the christian subculture. I have yet to see anyone truely clear themselves of bias regarding church businesses and the christian subculture as long as their livelihood is tied to it. And then try simply asking God what’s important to him. Let’s humbly posture ourselves as those who know nothing, and see what God will do. Let’s not be in a hurry. I have never sensed that he is.

At times I have suggested that starting church gatherings is tough work and not everyone is the pioneer that it requires. I’m rethinking this. Could it be that the common (mis)understanding of what church gatherings “should be” has over-burdened the many into thinking they’re dependent on the few to do it? Did Jesus really intend for “two or more” gatherings to be that difficult? 10 years into detox and I’m seeing brand new areas of blindness in me.

If you can organize a birthday party, you can gather with 1 or 2 others and share your thoughts regarding God and church. If you can call a plumber to come fix a leak in your pipes…if you can use a map to drive anyplace you’ve never been….if you can hear a new word and begin using it in a sentence…if you can try out some new software on a computer…if you can walk into a new restaurant and order off the menu….then you can find 1 or 2 people and begin talking about your questions regarding God and church and ask him to show you his answers. Jesus said, “where two or more are gathered in my name, there I am in their midst.” And presto, you’ve got a church gathering!  It’s so easy to make this WAY over-complicated.

My wife and I began with the two of us. We had just moved to the area and knew nobody. We’d helped plant a few church businesses in previous years, but now felt like we’d been on the wrong bus. So we spent Sunday mornings at a nearby food court in a mall, sipping tea and coffee and talking about God, church, his word, worship, the Spirit, what’s a Christian, you name it. It went on for 2-3 years. One thing led to another and for the last 6 years we’ve been gathering with 4-5 families at least a couple times a month. We’ve done two annual retreats together. We’re growing into more of what it means to be the church with each passing year. We’re connecting with others all around us who are on the same journey. We’re living faith on the front lines, and seeing God use us for his purposes. Our kids are growing up together under this entirely simple concept of church life. We’re learning things we can’t even articulate yet. Growth happens and sometimes we only know it in the rearview mirror – “hey, we’re not as bitter as we used to be…” We’re not clever, and we’re only a slice of the pie of what it means to be the body of Christ.

It’s my view that it could be generations before we have many post-detox “elders” among us. Now is the time for letting the purifying finger of God leave no stone unturned in our hearts, so he can lay a foundation that others will stand on. My prayer is that my children’s children know the answers to these current stuggles by the time they are 5 years old .

In an email to a friend, I recently wrote: “Let’s quit doing the Christian subculture – things that pull us out of the world that Jesus so naturally lived in. We lose, and those who are trying to be saved lose. He wants our lights to shine on top of the hill, not hiding under the sofa.”

About 10 years ago I read a book by John Fischer called, What On Earth Are We Doing that was formative in my early years of breaking away from the Christian subculture. It’s a quick read (189 pages), which are the only ones I seem to get all the way through, and I still recommend it on this topic. From the introduction, John writes:

“Now, enterprising Christians create and market thousands of products and services to a Christian market eager to pay for a safer version of contemporary culture – a sort of decaffeinated world where Christians can have their Christianity and their culture, too. This book is concerned about the emergence of a Christian subculture that encourges us to see ourselves as separate from the world not by beliefs and attitudes but by definable practices, identifiable markings, and cultural artifacts . . . I believe Christ established the church (his body of believers on earth) not to develop its own separate customs, civilization, and achievements, but to infuse the customs, civilization, and achievements of every age and society with people who love and fear God. In opting to abandon the world for our own safer version of it, we are failing to deliver on this vital aspect of our presence in the world.”

And that was published in 1996!

We need more like John.