fresh starting…

I’m at a “fresh start” kind of place in my thinking about church life these days. We’ve made some adjustments some months ago in our regular routine, as far as stepping out of the regular gathering that we were part of for about 12 years. We have some regular patterns of fellow believers that we regularly meet up with, there’s always new connections being formed, and we sense God with us in this journey.

As I think and pray over these things, and discuss it with my wife, I believe that I need to make an effort to articulate where my thoughts have come to as far as what church life is all about. There are many types of gatherings in the Puget Sound area, and I’m in touch with several of them. One of the things that God impressed upon me in the last “chapter” of church life with the “12-year” gathering is how valuable it is to work things out in the context of community. So I welcome the response of others on these matters.

letting God be huge, wise, and in control

I had a friend recently write me about some really honest questions he was wrestling with – such as, “In my heart things are stirring…but is it me or is it God… wondering sometimes if I have missed it completely…makes me wonder what my life is about right now, and if the hunger I feel is true or what…”

I was encouraged by the raw honesty of this.  I too have had been doing some soul searching over the last 18 months.  It’s being a time of re-evaluating:  what I believe God is speaking to me about the direction and investment of my time, energy and resources.  Re-evaluating my skills (and lack thereof) in the work place – albeit, this came in the midst of probably the most challenging season of my adult working years in terms of the requirements placed on my time and the need to “step into bigger shoes.”  I’ve been confronted with a more honest assessment of the limits of my love for others vs. myself.  And during this same time period I’ve been very quiet on this blog.  There’s been less time for it, and I got out of a writing pattern.  But it’s more than that.  I think I’m slowly getting a new grip on what my life is really about, like my friend wrote.   I wrote back to him:

Dear Friend,
I commend you for the courage to ask the hard questions, and to look at things squarely.

The Lord once gave me a thought about this, when living in southern cal, and thinking about how we naturally bop around in the surf on the beach to avoid the impact of waves so they wouldn’t knock you down.  We jump up, dive, turning our bodies to the side and lean into the waves – of course!  We want to stay upright, on our feet.  He was showing me how I was approaching life, and he wanted to show me a different way.  He wanted me to turn over the full responsibility for whether the waves of life knocked me down or not, and not use any of my own cleverness to avoid things that are important, or my own strength to sustain them.  So the image he gave me, and he takes me back to it periodically over the years, was to simply stand there in the surf of life, facing forward and not sideways, letting come what may come, being willing to get knocked down by the waves, leaving all that in my loving Shepherd’s tender care.  Oh, that I would stay there.

Ps. 51:6 – and I like NASB here – “Behold, You desire truth in the innermost being, And in the hidden part You will make me know wisdom.”

I believe that ruthless honesty you speak to is so important, so that what remains is only what comes from him, and is sustained only by him.

I too find myself wondering what my life is about these days.  I sense I’m in some kind of in-between place.  I guess I used to have answers but don’t anymore, but either way, I wasn’t even asking the questions I now have.  And the questions I have now are more simple and fundamental.  Like, “okay, what now?”  And somehow, this seems good and right – thank you, Lord.  I take comfort in feeling small in this season, letting him be huge, wise, and in control.

Your friend,

a call to war

I laid awake in the middle of a night recently, right after a gathering of our home church gang, stirred up by some challenging spiritual things several of us sensed were in our midst that night.

It brought me back to being mindful that we are in a war. There is an enemy and he is crafty. I’m aware that God, amazingly, has made us warriors of this battle, the ground on which this battle is fought, and the prize for which it is fought. Of course, we know Jesus has won the war, but that doesn’t keep many battles along the way from being yet undecided. And at any moment, there are some that look like we’re on the winning side, and others where it’s not looking so good.

Battles for the kingdom of God to move through us. Battles for our own personal victories as the saints walking in the authority of Christ, rising up in all that he has called each one of us to. Battles for our children to chose wisely how they will live their lives. Battles won as, by his grace, we press in to the presence of the Lord in our daily lives.

Pressing in by making ourselves available to his loving overtures. Pressing in to knowing ALL the truth as he so willingly discloses it to us by his word and Spirit. Pressing in to all of his heavenly blessings, which are our inheritance. Pressing in to his presence as worship warriors. Pressing in to our authority in prayer. Fighting this war on our knees.

I’m feeling a call to go to battle for the kingdom of God in and through us. To pray over all that God is doing in each of our families and marriages. To pray for what God is doing in this area, our domain of work/friends/neighbors/others in which we mostly live our lves. And to pray over what he’s doing in the world at large. And to break through barriers in our relationships, so that we are reaching the places that God is wanting to take us. I’m not wanting to fabricate anything that isn’t what God is doing, but only do what he’s doing. But wanting to see strongholds of the enemy broken that keep us from living stronger lives of worship, prayer, the gifts of the Spirit, seeing his Kingdom moving in the lives of others – getting free from lies that hold us back from living in his freedom, grace, love, mercy. Seeing this same reality of God spread to those around us, our families, etc. as he prompts us to give it away.

I layed awake for hours that night a few weeks ago, feeling stirred up, and called to war. I’m sure many of you have already been sensing this, and many have already been dwelling on various aspects of the battle and are in prayer about this. Bless you! I’m stirred up to pray, and ready to pray over these things in every setting we may find ourselves together.


life begets life…

I had an email exchange with someone who asked:
Hi Page,

Can you tell me about the forms of discipleship that happen in simple church? I am looking for a community of faith that is intentional about discipleship–learning and growing as disciples of Christ and making new disciples…easier said than done.

My response:
Hi Friend,
My observation is that the thinking on discipleship is all over the map in simple/organic/home church groups just like it is in the traditional religious business church model. It’s been a particular interest of mine over the decades, so I can certainly understand your interest. There’s structured to unstructured. I see this as a matter of each of us working out with the Lord, and the body of believers we are with, how he is leading and following him on it (I guess that pretty much applies to any matter).

Someone else once said it, but I like it – there are times when we have a Paul in our life (an older brother, an elder for us), a Timothy (some one we can provide coaching/mentoring to), and a Barnabas (someone who comes along side and encourages). Not that you always have all happening at once, but as the Lord grants them, for he is the one, true, Discipler. I find that most of what happens in simple church life, where the kind of relationships are happening that he desires, is that he uses these relationships to disciple all of us at once, like iron sharpening iron. It’s the intentional living out our callings together over the years, as the body of Christ, where he shapes and molds us, often without us even knowing he’s doing it. And there are regular times of intentionally speaking into the lives of our brothers/sisters, as he gives the words of wisdom, knowledge, prophetic insight, etc. And all of this happens best in the context of the natural flow of trusting relationships. Our experience is that this kind of relationship are much easier to find over time in the context of simple/organic church life than the business model.


the oil and vinegar of business and relationships

I’ve been talking with friends again about the hurtful things many have experienced at traditional business-like church organizations. There’s many common themes to it, but perhaps most of them can be categorized as “violation of relationship.” By that I mean that people do things to one another that violate the way relationships are to operate among followers of Jesus. This causes hurt, sometimes deeply, depending on the nature of the violation.

But here’s what I’ve come to believe: it all makes sense when we realize that there’s much more going on in the traditional business-like church organization than being followers of Jesus. I’ve come to see these traditional churches as essentially religious businesses that try to promote the Kingdom of God among it’s members and the community it considers it’s domain. And indeed, there are many wonderful things happening at these places, and there would be a huge void if suddenly they did not exist. I spent over two decades of my life laboring with others to start and expand these religious businesses, and quite successfully in terms of the common measures used. Yet I’ve also walked away in tears from more than one, confused about how/why the relationship violations occurred with me ending up with the short end of the stick. And I’m pretty sure I was on the “relationship violator” end of things more times than I know.

As much as we fantasize otherwise, I believe most religious businesses are businesses first, and doers of God-stuff second, because “Job 1 is to remain a viable business.” There’s government requirements for 501(c)3 “not-for-profit” business (huh? of COURSE they’re making a profit! But that’s a different conversation…), such as roles of president, vp, secretary, treasurer, by-laws, board meetings, blah blah. There’s people depending on their financial livelihood at this business. There’s mortages and utilities to pay, sound equipment and sunday school supplies to purchase. But all this stuff is earthly domain, man’s business, and has nothing to do with being the church that follows Jesus. Most participants probably don’t think of it this way, and rather think of it as “Job 1 is to remain a viable presence of the church.” It was true for me, because like many, the religious business model is what I believed WAS the church that Jesus intended. I didn’t know any better. And within that business model, there are also people’s career identities at stake. Now those are some strong forces.

Clearly there is massive blindness about this, and most people at these religious businesses have good intentions, and have no idea that what they are doing is not what Jesus intended for his church. It was true of me as well. Wearing unintended blinders, we don’t even see the plain spoken truths about this in the bible. But for many in our day the blinders are coming off.

My main point in this post is to say that, as heartless as it may sound, I believe that its pointless to complain about these violations of relationships that happen at these religious businesses. There HAS to be a hiearchical leadership, that HAS to establish direction and boundaries for the business, and that HAS to exert authority over the “members.” This is how business works. Business is man’s domain; and man must lead it or it will fall apart. It’s the same with any business. If an employee does things that threaten the vision/plans/success of their employer’s business, no one is surprised when such a person is reprimanded, or even fired, right? It wouldn’t matter that they had friends who worked there. At the end of the day, the leadership has to do what’s right for the business or its viability will be threatened. And the kicker is, I believe that’s how God intended business (not his church) to work. God put it in us to work (Genesis – Adam, the garden) and better our lives if we can (1Cor 7:21) and to enjoy the rewards of our labors (Eccl 5:18-20).

Mixing Kingdom-of-God intentions into earthly business is where it gets all messed up, especially if people start believing that God is the leader of it instead of man. Nope, God doesn’t take charge of our businesses. He gave Adam and Eve the charge of taking care of the garden, the earthly domain.

But when it comes to being the church that follows Jesus – now THAT’s where God is in charge, whether man acknowledges it or not, and where relationships are to operate much differently than they do at an earthly business. For example, Lording over is “illegal” in the church that follows Jesus (Matt 20:25-26), and calling people by special names that put them above others, like “father” or “pastor” or “reverend,” is against Jesus’ commands (Matt 23:8-10).

I’ve come to believe that if we are experiencing the common relationship violations that happen in religious businesses, we really have no one to blame but ourselves. Man’s vision and scope for a business will always be very small compared to God’s vision and scope for his church. So there will always be times when people have grown into as much of God’s kingdom as a particular religious business can support, and to get beyond that the people will be drawn into things outside the scope of where the leadership is comfortable, or able to lead. If the leadership feel that the business or their authority (which again, the business needs) is at risk by the actions of certain people, they will have to do things to resolve this conflict, and proper human relating as God intended among his followers will suffer, because that is not the priority in the business context. We should not expect otherwise.

For those who find themselves in that situation, the good news is that God is taking many into a new journey of being and finding the church that wants to follow Jesus alone, and that wants no part of mixing it with the business aspirations of man.

I love this verse from Hosea 6:3:
“So let us know, let us press on to know the LORD.
His going forth is as certain as the dawn;
And He will come to us like the rain,
Like the spring rain watering the earth.”

peace for the bride

<Note: this is a continuation of the thought/email mentioned in this post from a few days ago.>

I love Psalm 122.  It’s one that I put to music many years ago and I love to sing it still. 

It’s clear from Genesis to Revelation that God’s passion is for his bride, the new Jerusalem mentioned in the book of Revelation.  Every time I pray for peace among the bride of Christ, I’m praying for the peace of this Jerusalem.  Every labor I put into bringing about the peace he desires for his bride, I’m laboring for the peace of this Jerusalem.  This kind of activity has been a primary focus of my life for about 35 years.

Jesus made it clear that it’s never been about the physical descendants of Abraham, which are an earthly body of people.  The children of Abraham/Isaac/Jacob were all about his plan for bringing salvation to the entire human race, his highest creation, the descendants of Adam and Eve.  Jesus was about his bride, which is a spiritual or heavenly body.  Placing one section of humans on a pedestal above others is sinful, like idolatry.  And I say we should beware the blindness that thinks the current, earthly nation of Israel “can do no wrong.”  That group of people is made up of the same “stuff” that every other group on earth are made up of – human beings with a sinful nature that need Jesus.

There is certainly lots of injustice done in the world, by every nation, against every nation, including lots done against Jews.  I am not attempting to make any comment on what to do about the conundrum of strife in the Middle East.  My point in this conversation is to say that I do not accept that the current, earthly nation of Israel, and the earthly city of Jerusalem, is the same “Israel” and “Jerusalem” spoken of prophetically in scripture, which I believe is focused on the spiritual bride of Christ.

Thus, I do not see David’s prayer in Psalm 122, “may they prosper who love you <Jerusalem>” (NAS) as involving any kind of promise from God that he will prosper those who love the current, earthly nation of Israel.  This also means that I am not confident that the forming of the earthly nation of Israel in 1948 was a fulfillment of biblical prophesy or in any way connected to the promises of Christ’s return.  I am not aware of any place in scripture where we are encouraged to go about trying to fulfill prophecy, but I see this in some of the thinking of the church, especially with regard to “end times” and the current, earthly nation of Israel.  Jesus specifically taught against such thinking in Acts 1 when the disciples wanted to see him restore the nation of Israel even then, and he essentially said, “it’s not for you to know these things” and he focused them on following the lead of the Holy Spirit.  In my humble view, this is where we as his church need to keep our focus still.

you can't count the wind

On this journey of gathering simply, with the single desire of following Jesus, I’ve been thinking about what it’s looking like to see it expand out to others.  Most of us know the “religious business” model for doing this, where there’s buildings, leadership structure, financial basis, etc.  There are clear boundaries of scope and reach, even if there are many such religious businesses in close proximity.  That model of church life has the ever-present mix of kingdom of God desires with earthly business necessities, so you’re never in the dark about which religious business is sponsoring activities, having both Kingdom of God and earthly, religious business growth hopes.

It’s the focus on “how many” – how many people attend your church, how many church groups are gathering in an area, how many churches have you helped plant, how many groups has your house church spun off.  I had a couple decades of active involvement in so-called “church planting” — on college campuses, in growing small groups within a larger religious business, in starting new religious businesses from the ground up.  It’s amazing how I took for granted this thing of counting church groups, as if that’s what God was doing too.

Over the last 10 years our family has been gathering with several others in the Seattle area.  I can’t tell you a single multiplication event that has happened among us in the vein as described above.  Every now and then I would meet someone who would ask about it, with the obvious hint that, “shouldn’t you have planted other churches from yours by now?”  All I could say was, “well, that just doesn’t appear to be what God is doing among us.”  When someone asks the standard “how many” questions from the religious business backdrop,  “how many people do you meet with?” “how many times a month do you meet?” – my answer sounds something like:

“Let’s see, a couple times a month we get together at our house on Saturday nights.  A couple times a month a few of us guys get together at a local brew pub, and then head over to Don’s house afterwards for more talk and prayer.  A couple times a month some of us – and other folks from other circles – get together at the Doty’s house and dig into the bible together.  Roughly monthly some folks may get together at the Butz home for worship.  Oh yes, and sometimes at the end of the month a few of us get together on a Sunday morning.  Now and then groups of women in the area – beyond those we would see at the other gatherings – do things together. Some are homeschooling moms and get together with others from the co-ops and resource centers for events with the kids.  Some are involved with groups that help the poor in our city.  Some are committed to the regular activity of building homes for the poor in Mexico, which they do with larger extended groups of people across the country.  Some are getting connected online and meet up occasionally with an ever-growing network of families in the area that gather in homes and are helping people find or start simple church gatherings like ours.”

It’s a messy answer, and it’s just getting messier.  It’s getting harder and harder to force some kind of boundary around the various gatherings.  It’s a meshed network of relationships that defies clarity.  Sure, some basic patterns have formed – people that you go deeper with on a regular basis.  But then the patterns are also in a gentle state of constant flux as new relationships form.  It seems to happen in waves.  You can’t get your arms around it.  You can’t count “how many.”  Is that a problem?  Not as long as you don’t need to answer the quantitative questions.  And the good news is, I have yet to sense God asking those questions.  I’ve only heard them from man.

I’ve often realized that what I know most about what God is doing comes from looking in the rear-view mirror – at what he’s done.  In our experience, God is not focusing us on the rapid multiplication of small groups of people gathering in homes.  And I don’t see the New Testament church having that focus either.  There’s the realm of what God sovereignly does, and there’s the realm of what he calls us to do.  In my view, a regular error in the church is us trying to take charge of his realm.  God gave Adam the job of “taking care of business” in the garden, and of course, that still happens in the work environments today, as it should.  But when we do this with church life, my experience is we turn it all into a religious business, and there you are right back in the muck we left, eh?

The specifics of what God IS focusing us on is in constant flux, but in general, he seems to be about bringing us into a loving relationship with him, into the community of believers, and together growing us in faith, in hearing his voice, and following his lead in every aspect of our lives.  Of course, that means that we find ways to gather regularly with other followers of Jesus.

So my point is that there’s this matter of keeping the emphasis on the things he’s emphasizing.  I accept that each person and group of followers have to decide what that looks like for themselves.  But I plead, “beware the yeast of church growth energy (entrepreneurial-ism).”  I’ve lived it first hand, and know what it does to your heart, and I’m watching with sadness as it is sweeping up many of the “simple church” gang these days.  If we find ourselves off in the weeds of flesh effort, hardly knowing the Lord’s voice anymore, we can always take time to pause and check in.  His arms of grace will always receive us.

I love this verse from John 3: “The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit.” (that’s us!)



living with the last chapter in mind

Some additional thoughts along the same vein as “entrepreneurial energy” after seeing books coming out from the simple church crowd about getting churches to multiply faster with the small, “micro-church” model:

The foundational idea of the multiplication drive, to grow the kingdom of God quickly, is flawed and dangerous. It quickly puts you right back into the seat of today’s traditional church model, and living a script for which there is “no Holy Spirit required” where it becomes all about what man or woman has the clever ideas to carry the day. This church growth energy is not seen cultivated among the new testament followers. There is no scriptural support for thinking that faith in Christ “should be” happening in people at any particular pace, fast or slow. But it’s what the Holy Spirit empowers for any particular time, place, people. It’s not so much that we’ve come to a wrong answer here, but rather a case of asking the wrong question. For example, can you imagine Peter or Paul saying, “how can we get these church groups multiplying faster?” But in the NT we see Christ himself initiating, leading his followers moment by moment. Too often today we are still thinking we need to scheme on how to do his work – watch out that we don’t find ourselves beginning in the Spirit and trying to finish in the flesh. There is great danger in the simple church ranks in seeing all that is happening as a “green field” of opportunity to run with human cleverness among ranks used to working with it. When we dig down to the root of that drive, I have found it to be the flesh, not the Lord. We must be wise today so as to truly find and hold the path of the Spirit-led life, dependent upon his moment by moment leading, and not fall into the scripted paths of man’s wisdom.

With all the “re-thinking” that God is stirring up in the church today, it presents an incredible opportunity, for all who will see it, to abandon the cleverness of man (do we really think we’re expediting the work of God?) and put a renewed priority on hearing and obeying him alone. Apart from him we can do nothing, right? Let’s test the spirit behind the behavior patterns we so easily fall into, and find out what will happen if together, as his bride, we learn anew how to follow the voice of Jesus. Even though we start with baby steps. Even if it takes years to unlearn/relearn. Even though we don’t see the immediate results we’ve come to expect in our fast-food, microwave, instant-gratification oriented society. The alternative is that we keep bumbling down the road of flesh effort, never progressing to the spiritual maturity he desires. We don’t find out how he squares up our obedience till the final chapter.

(My thanks to Chuck for his help fine tuning this post)

when God doesn't agree with our hearts

Hanging out with some brothers this week, we came across this portion of scripture in 1 John:

“Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.”

It’s in the middle of a discussion about loving each other in real, tangible ways, such as helping one another in times of need. Pretty relevant today, eh?

But there is definitely an intent here of protecting our sense of freedom and rest in God’s presence. I love the way John validates the reality that there are times in this life when our hearts condemn us. And he is telling us that in those times we need to tell our hearts the truth; tell our hearts to be at ease, at rest, if we know we are his.

And then there’s this line, “For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.”

What an awesome thought. And how meaningful that John would be saying to us, “Hey, there are times when our hearts are going to lie to us, and try to get us under a pile of condemnation. In those times, dial up to your awareness how God is moving on you to actively live out your love for others, and that this shows you are his. And remember, God is bigger than that part of you that is making you feel condemned right now.”

Other parts of the bible come to mind, like, “speak the truth in love” – and how we need to speak it to ourselves sometimes. And “there is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ” – so if you’re sensing condemnation, and you’re one of his, then you know the source of that condemnation isn’t him.

I keep coming back to “God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.” That’s really an amazing truth. There’s so many things we can struggle with on the inside, and our hearts can really sound convincing sometimes! How freeing it is to know that he’s just so much bigger than all that. He’s above all those things that we feel condemned over; isn’t phased in the least. Didn’t even give them a glance. That stuff isn’t coming from him, and he doesn’t agree with it. And he’s always right.

Nice to know.

relationships, boundaries, and skating lessons

Once again, I appreciate the honest blog post here about being stripped of all things churchianity – the Christian subculture – and rediscovering an honest relationship with God, and letting him lead us himself. It has spurred more thoughts of my/our own trek that I’d like to share.

I want to talk more about relationships among people and God. This has been a recurring theme with my wife and I, and I believe this topic is common to anyone truly on the detox journey out of the church business ways to something real. After 20+ years in the church business way of doing relationships, my wife and I came to the hard realization that we didn’t really know how to do them well, and that we had allowed others to do our thinking. It wasn’t good enough anymore to know someone who knew God (or thought they did). God wanted us himself – the thrill of a lifetime!

We didn’t know how to take time with relationships – the years it really takes. Taking time to gradually go deeper rather than rush in head long. And how to recognize good indicators that the risk was going to be a good one, and be in touch with the desires of our own hearts. Did I want this relationship? Was there truly a sense in me that God was doing something in it? David prayed like his desires and God’s desires were one and the same. There was once a season I prayed each day, “Lord, help me feel today.” It seemed like I had spent all my life dialed in to what others indicated was the “right” thing to think and feel, that I had very little idea what God was really saying me, now that I was coming to know he speaks to us mostly through our own guts.

We didn’t know how to have honest, meaningful conflict resolution. Where you say the hard stuff without shredding the other person (though you wanted to). And they get to say the needful things, and maybe you actually come to new understandings together over time. Or maybe not, even after many years. But you don’t violate yourself in this process, yet be as generous as you can toward the other person’s prosperity. So many relationships in the church are based out of a man-made hierarchy positioning, which Jesus banned from the body of Christ. Thus, boundaries were mowed over so much that we had no concept of where they even used to be.

We had very little idea how to be peers, egalitarian, co-heirs in Christ with others in the body. How to truly live like the playing field is level, and only Christ is above the rest.

We didn’t know how to live like the imaginary relational boundaries we had around church businesses were just that – imaginary. To think that we actually lopped off relationships when people left our “church” (business), and felt nothing for it. Ludicrous! Same thing goes for the imaginary relational boundary between the man-made church subculture and those not yet among his followers. What? You can actually have FRIENDS that aren’t saved?! And even allow yourself to learn things from them that Jesus-followers are supposed to own the corner market on – such as grace, generosity, integrity?! Oh yes.

Indeed, this epidemic of relational violations is the primary driver for us getting off the church business merry-go-round to rethink all things church, which led to rethinking all things Christianity. A frightening, yet invigorating journey! I think a serious detox from the church business way brings you face-to-face with the horrendous handling of relationships there. In the end, I came to believe that, as an adult, I had no one to blame by myself. I mean, what was I thinking doing these things? But that’s the point, I wasn’t thinking. Hardly anyone in my Christian circles was. I guess we just didn’t suspect the violations there, but it was the same for the Lord and his first followers. We’ve had to essentially learn from scratch how to do relationships with God and people.

I would say we’re seeing two things these days: one is that as we’re learning, in the midst of safe, “go-slow” relationships with 5-7 other families, how to do healthy boundaries with relationships, we’re finding new boldness to be appropriately vulnerable again. The other thing, of course, is we’re sensing the Lord leading us to take more risks, gently nudging us beyond our comfort zones. It’s like so much of the kingdom of God revolves around relationships, so pressing in to them appears to be important to him.

I’m doing ice skating lessons with my daughters (5 & 7). I never had a lesson before, had no clue what I was doing, and it showed. So I’ve been avoiding ice skating all my life. My wife, however, is pretty good at it and takes our girls now and then. Lessons came available nearby, so it was my chance to have Father-daughter time and try to eliminate some embarrassment on the ice so I could skate with the family. About the 2nd or 3rd lesson they taught us how to stop. It’s kinda like a snow-plow action, and with some practice, it works! The unexpected result was that I was finally bold enough to risk some skating moves because I knew I could bring myself to a stop without having to fall down or slam myself into the boards. I see a correlation to doing just about anyting in life, including relationships.